Crowds Swarm Times Square to Demand Taymor Step Down

Thousands of theater fans peacefully took to the streets of New York on Tuesday to demand the ouster of embattled director Julie Taymor from her position as creative principal of the world’s most expensive theatrical production, Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark.  News reports indicated that her resignation could be imminent despite her struggle to maintain control over the troubled venture which has claimed the lives of hundreds of performers and committed unspeakable horrors in the name of popular entertainment.

The Taymor regime has been accused of unspeakable atrocities against the medium, including the expenditure of over $20 million dollars to fly actors over the audience without bothering to connect the action to any real human emotion or symbolic intention.  Her flat comic-style sets and incomprehensible script have caused outrage among Broadway’s natives.  In addition to the crimes of staging, budget overruns and safety issues, evidence of the musical brutality committed by Bono and The Edge, two allies of the regime, have been condemned by the U.N. Security Council as under-wrought and repetitive.

Reports of injuries and deaths have been non-stop since the show began previews earlier this year.  The call for an overhaul of the production and the need to replace its leadership has been steady, but the pressure from a popular uprising and the need for some kind of coherence in vision and execution of the highest profile Broadway production in a decade has created a volatile situation pitting the creative team against Fanboys and the general public.


Taymor and Bono as they plot the death of art.

“We demand that Taymor step down and face justice for her crimes,” a protestor commented, “The character of Arachne is completely unnecessary and runs contrary to the Spider-Man origin myth.  And what the fuck is up with the music?  It’s terrible.”

President Obama has avoided chiming in on the issue of Turn off the Dark, in what some have criticized as a move to hedge his bets and see which side is victorious.  Chief among these critics was John Bolton, conservative ideologue and avid theater-goer: “The President has come to Broadway before to talk a big game about the importance of the arts in American society.  But where is he now?  Did he read the New York Times review?  It’s shameless, and yet Washington sits back and does nothing.  Perhaps they think that only Afghanistan and the Kennedy Center are the only theaters that matter?”

It is unclear who would lead a transitional team should Taymor choose to step aside peacefully.  Insiders suggest that Mike Nichols could be tapped for an interim run, though fears circulate that the producer may go the ‘stunt’ route and hire Charlie Sheen.

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