Gaddafi Forgives Obama Already
As American cruise missiles clear the way for French and British airplanes to patrol the Libyan desert, famous butthole and non-President of Libya, Muammar Gaddafi, has taken some time to write important letters to the people who want him to disappear. It hasn’t helped, because basically the entire world (minus serial tyrant-lovers Russia, China, Brazil and Germany) has this crazy idea that there’s a popular uprising in his country, plus that he’s trying to stop it by hiring sub-Saharan thugs to shoot crowds of unemployed civilians. Like, what?! Now the French (the French, for god’s sake) are dropping mad bombs trying to keep the flame of self-governance alive long enough for at least one sham election. But did these newfags count on the Colonel’s skills in an all-out flame war?
Gaddafis letters are funny for a few reasons. Foremost is his continuing denial of his own illegitimacy, and scary is his constant assertion that the ‘women and children’ of Libya are ready to die to keep him in a position that he and his apparatchiks claim does not exist. More ridiculous is the tone that he takes with his European antagonists vs. his ‘son’ and man-crush, U.S. President Barack Obama.
Here’s the text of the letter to Europe/the United Nations:
Libya is not yours. Libya is for the Libyans. The Security Council resolution is invalid because it does not follow the charter regarding the internal affairs of any country. This is terrible oppression, crude aggression. You never have the right to intervene in our internal affairs. Who gave you this right? You will regret it if you dare to intervene in our country. Our country is not your country. We cannot fire a single bullet at our people.
Pretty standard anti-colonial autocratspeak, pretty harshy, but par for the course. But look how he forgives Obama (not America) for initiating a foreign invasion and the unwarranted massacre of the Libyan people that he’s never officially sworn to protect:
To our son, the honorable Barack Hussein Obama,
As I have said before, even if, God forbid, there were a war between Libya and America, you would remain my son and I would still love you. I do not want to change the image I have of you.
That’s right, folks. Not only is Obama NOT from Hawaii, he’s the SON of terrorist supporting Bedouin warlord Muammar Gaddafi! And they’re not estranged or on the outs – even a war between their countries couldn’t pry them apart! Such love and understanding. Rush Limbaugh must love the part about Gaddafi’s ‘image’ of Obama. Even when getting owned in a rocket fight, our enemies love them some BHO.
All of the Libyan people are with me, ready to die, even the women and children. We are fighting nothing other than al-Qaida in what they call the Islamic Maghreb. It’s an armed group that is fighting from Libya to Mauritania and through Algeria and Mali. … If you had found them taking over American cities by the force of arms, tell me what you would do?
Indeed, what would you do? What if you were the ‘totally powerless’ dictator of a peaceful nation and suddenly every single person in every city started taking hallucination pills and transformed into right-wing islamists who march peacefully into your bullets, even though you know how much they love you deep in their hearts? You’d do the same thing.
We really are being shitty friends, though, by bombing and shooting down Gaddafi’s planes. It was just three years ago that George Bush welcomed Gaddafi back to the grown up table of diplomacy, forgiving him for blatant and random terrorist acts all over the world. Plus we (well, the French) sold him those planes in the first place, so that he could shoot down airliners without having to spring for airfare. Now, all he’s asking is to take his $5,000,000 billion in petroleum bucks, head off to Venezuela with his never-hater buddy Chavez, and never be asked about the thousands of dead protesters ever again. Is that so much to ask?