Gaddafi Forgives Obama Already

As American cruise missiles clear the way for French and British airplanes to patrol the Libyan desert, famous butthole and non-President of Libya, Muammar Gaddafi, has taken some time to write important letters to the people who want him to disappear.  It hasn’t helped, because basically the entire world (minus serial tyrant-lovers Russia, China, Brazil and Germany) has this crazy idea that there’s a popular uprising in his country, plus that he’s trying to stop it by hiring sub-Saharan thugs to shoot crowds of unemployed civilians.  Like, what?!  Now the French (the French, for god’s sake) are dropping mad bombs trying to keep the flame of self-governance alive long enough for at least one sham election.  But did these newfags count on the Colonel’s skills in an all-out flame war?

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Crowds Swarm Times Square to Demand Taymor Step Down

Thousands of theater fans peacefully took to the streets of New York on Tuesday to demand the ouster of embattled director Julie Taymor from her position as creative principal of the world’s most expensive theatrical production, Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark.  News reports indicated that her resignation could be imminent despite her struggle to maintain control over the troubled venture which has claimed the lives of hundreds of performers and committed unspeakable horrors in the name of popular entertainment.

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Should the U.S. Use Force in Libya?

In a piece in today’s Slate, Christopher Hitchens makes the case that America is cowardly and unprincipled to avoid military intervention in the Libyan insurrection.   He points to Rwanda, Bosnia, and Kurdistan as examples of how non-intervention in an ongoing mass-murder is tantamount to siding with those who choose to commit these crimes, and that the ongoing lesson of the twentieth century is that evil triumphs when the good stand idly by.  While I normally agree with nearly everything that comes out of this man’s mouth, I have to […]

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Carl Paladino and the Dickhead Revolution

I recently had a conversation with some friends about the inevitable future of this country: demography shows that by 2050 white Americans will finally become a minority, just like everybody else. While the opinion is generally that nothing will change (at least not for the people who are already minorities) I have a creeping fear of what it will mean for politics in the country, and how the discourse around entitlement, race, and national identity will change.

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We’ll Miss You, Rick Sanchez

I have to send my deep regrets and a fond farewell to CNN’s everyman and resident old-guy-who-knows-the-internet, Rick Sanchez.  Watching Rick misread the news, mangle impromptu interviews, and generally make social media seem at once lame and revolutionary was a staple of my unemployed life.  It was like discussing current events with the guy at the office who, despite knowing absolutely nothing about the subject at hand, will go on and on about some garbage some stranger sent him on the internet.  He’ll eventually pull other people into the conversation awkwardly, and he’ll always draw a strange and contradictory moral from even the most straightforward snippet or event. For two hours a day Rick made you feel like the smartest guy in the room.  That his book is titled Conventional Idiocy is too precious for me to handle.  His way of making weird references to gender, race, and religion got him more than one “Woah, ok Rick.”  His obsession with being recognized as a legitimate anchor led to his eventual dismissal (also it’s not nice to point out that a secret cult of Jews run certain companies/industries and keep the rest of us down, EVEN IF THEY DO jk)  but he was truly on the forefront of guys with real media jobs who took Twitter seriously and saw the promise it has for citizen journalism.  If only he didn’t come off as a total doofus. Where will the big Sanchez […]

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